This is my reality and it's just a Ravers Fantasy

1. Use the letters of your first name.
2. Find titles to your favorite songs in your ipod/itunes/whatever that correspond to each letter and include them with that letter. No repeats. Screw that rule I only have so many songs =P

K Kodou - Dir en Grey
R Raver's Fantasy - Tune Up!
I Ito - Gazette
S Silent Jealousy - X-Japan

I'm really bored so I did Tomoka as well

T Two Hurt - Deluhi
O Obscure - Dir en Grey
M Mitternacht - E Nomine
O Orion Once Again - Deluhi
K Kernkraft 400 - Zombie Nation
A Anomie - Matenrou Opera

I'd just like to add Deluhi is pretty amazing, at least the two songs I have listen there, if anyone wants to hear them, and I encourage you to, I'll be happy to up 'em or send 'em to ya. :3

Down in Florida, have been to most of my appointments, not great news, but not awful I guess. Still don't know if I need my valve repaired or replaced, I'm hoping for repaired. Either way there is a 5% chance I will die. If I need it replaced it's a choice between a mechanical valve (that will last forever, but I need to take a blood thinner of the rest of my life) or a pig valve (that doesn't need a blood thinner, but will wear out and need to be replaced between 10-20 years) to me, there is no decision, mechanical it is. Downside again, I might need to have a pacemaker... again, I feel like I'm back at square fucking one again. There's no yes or no now whether I need it repaired or replaced, or that I would need the pacemaker, either way I'm not really happy, and scared kinda shitless. :( Bleh, I'm going back to drinking before I make myself too depressed.

period + pre-exsisting depression = dreams of suicide, though I wouldn't lol on the plus side the dog coat is preliminarily finished and it fits :3 I'm rather happy about that, now have to do edging and finish off the hood and sew on the ears.... yeah sew on the ears, it's supposed to look like a bear ROFL

I know I don't update LJ a whole lot anymore, and I suppose I owe those who watch me an explanation, not only have I sold my soul to Twitter LOL damn convenient app, but quite frankly I've just been rather depressed too often to really post anything. Most of my depression can be attributed to the fact I need a heart valve repaired/replaced within the next few months, they don't know the extent of the damage yet, but they know one of the two needs to happen because the valve won't close all the way. It's a result of the many catheters and biopsies I've had over the years to monitor my heart for rejection (for those who don't know, I had a heart transplant when I was 14, after many open heart surgeries in attempts to correct my heart). Thankfully, I haven't had any problems with rejection, I'm just a bit upset that what was supposed to be the way to monitor my heart ended up damaging it, seems like a waste. Either way while getting my valve replaced I will also be getting my chest ties removed (they go through your breast bone during the transplant, in addition to the hideous scar I still have on my chest, they reattach the breast bone with titanium ties, essentially garbage bag twisty ties x.x) as they have never been covered by my chest muscle and they should be. As embarrassing as it is, at 14 one is obviously going through puberty, and as a result of my boobs being too massive the weight of them managed to tear my chest muscle apart. WTG Tits right? So whereas a normal people wouldn't be bothered by the ties because they'd be under muscle, my are only under skin and are often excruciating if I shift/move too quickly. It feels like flesh tearing, and odds are good there IS flesh tearing. I'm very excited about getting the ties removed and having my chest muscle sewn back together because I imagine that will eliminate a lot of my pain. But I have been at my wits end about the valve, I mean yeah I've had plenty of heart surgeries, and it's not so much that I'm afraid of the procedure it's self, I guess I'm afraid of results of it. First and foremost, it will be my first overnight operation at an adult hospital, so I'm kind of scared that I won't be able to have my Mom or Dad sleeping in a chair in the corner if I wake up in the middle of the night and something is wrong. My next big concern is I'm very worried I'll have limited access to seeing Tim, as it is he's planning on coming down with me and staying with me the whole time, which means the world to me, but I'm technically not related to him, he's my b/f not my husband or anything, so I'm nervous the hospital won't let him be there for like family only time, or that he can only come during certain times. I'm also of course worried about whether the operation itself will be successful, or whether my luck has run out, as well as I'm VERY worried if this is just the first thing to go wrong in a potentially long future list of things that will have to be fixed, repaired, replaced etc. I have made the decision that I can not mentally go through another transplant, I couldn't handle the guilt of knowing two people have died to I can live, not to mention going through the bi-weekly/monthly/6 months biopsies and caths again, I'm not strong enough to handle that again. So I really worry and hope that the valve will be the only problem. I'm also worried about more vain reasons of course, they can't replace the valve and take out the ties with the same incision, so the main scar down the center of my chest I have been fighting to hide/cover for 11 years will have to be reopened (though the dr. assured me he would close it much smaller and more discreet, more like a plastic surgery scar than a, "well let's just make sure she's alive" one) which yeah it's mentally crushing, but I hope now that I have a good arsenal of scar reducing creams/patches I can heal it better faster. My other issue is that it'll mean a new scar for the valve, I believe it will be in my ribcage, but that's hardly any relief to me, it just means something else on my body to make me feel ugly and imperfect. I know that's selfish, and I should just be happy I'm alive and whatnot, but I'd just love to feel like I'm normal for once. Anyway, that's what's going on I guess, and now that I've informed you all, I'll probably return to the world of twitter, I'll post more when I have more set dates I guess, if anyone wants me to anyway, I don't wanna keep like forcing this down your throats, I just figured some might be curious about it. Alright then, gonna go watch some TV and wait for Tim to get home so I then start figuring out what to eat, I'm hungry :(

Oh totally unrelated, but those of my buddies who live in Japan (or have) do any of you know any good recipes for shoyu ramen? I'm totally in love with it, but haven't been able to get it to taste quite perfect yet. Thanks :3

Sorry I keep neglecting LJ, but Twitter is so much easier. x.x So ok, 12 years too late, but finally played/watched Tim play Final Fantasy VII, I can understand why so many people have been obsessed with it for the last 12 years. XD Then we watched Advent Children afterward, I can't even begin to tell you how much more sense that makes after seeing the game. LOL The downside of finally catching up w/ gaming lol I've become a hopeless Rufus, Cloud and Kadaj fangirl, *sigh* it's my curse, I love pretty boys. :( Don't get me wrong, Sephiroth is hot and all, but I don't go for long haired guys, Kadaj is even pushing it a bit for my tastes. In more gaming news, I had ridiculously good timing this afternoon, and woke up like 5 mins before G4's coverage of E3's Sony presentation started. XD This makes for a very happy Kris, 2 1/2 hours of hot, hot gaming action, very nice way to start the day! Super excited about Tekken 6 (lol obviously) and God of War III (OMG it looks so good, but SO gruesome!) There were plenty of other titles that piqued my interest, such as The Last Guardian and Final Fantasy XIII, but I was really REALLY disappointed to see nothing about FFXIII Versus (*pauses to drool* mmm Noctis...) or any new Kingdom Hearts (mmm Roxas XD) info :( Also is it just me, or does Assasin's Creed II look really, REALLY lame?? I mean Leonardo DiVinci is like your effin' weapon upgrader and crap, ugh I guess I'm a little bias, I didn't like the first one, so why would I like the second I guess? In AC's defense I never finished the first one, also kinda disappointed that there was nothing about a new Prince of Persia, oh well what can ya do? I can't expect perfection. After Sony was done I changed the channel LOL I don't have a Xbox (and probably never will) and don't own a Wii (contemplated, but decided it was a little too expensive to use for like 2 games) so I didn't really care about the other releases, though maybe I should see if I've missed Nintendo or not, like to see if there's any word about 358/2 Day's release in the states. Wow, this got longer than I wanted, ok done nerding out now, if you wanna keep up w/ me more consistently, get a twitter =P again twitter.com/tomoka0013 is me, now officially done w/ this post.

For anyone that doesn't know, I've got a twitter, and I've been using it a lot more than my LJ lately, little blurbs are much easier to sort out in life than annoying long boring rants XD So if you have a twitter and aren't already following me please add me :3 twitter.com/tomoka0013, and if you don't have a twitter, MAKE ONE! XD They're fun, Mandy you HAVE to make one or I'll cry T_T <3 bitches

Hey if you have twitter too hit me up, I update it more often x.x twitter/tomoka0013

So, my landlord wants to show my apt this weekend.... that's not going to fucking happen. It's the weekend before finals, I have two rather lengthy papers due on Monday and Tuesday, and I don't wanna fucking clean my apt and take potentially today and Friday away from working on my papers. WTF This is really pissing me off! They said we had until this semester was over to decide if we were going to renew our lease or not (which we're prolly not 'cause HOPEFULLY Tim will be done w/ school this summer) so it really pisses me off to get a voice mail saying they're going to show it, not they'd like to show it. >.< I'm going to have Tim call them and tell them to fuck off and that I'm not lifting a god dam finger until finals are over >.< Yeah the apt is still MOSTLY clean from when my parents were up here, but Tim's bathroom is heinous and the spare bedrooms are ok, minus the closets and I know they'll show the closets. Not to mention that means taking 2 hours out of my Saturday to figure out where the hell to go w/ my dog, because God forbid he's there while they're showing it. It's fucking ridiculous I've payed well over $300 to have my dog here, and they get pissed at you when they act like a dog, sorry my dog barks at strangers, pretty much all dogs do. -_- Ugh what a fucking hassle! I hope Tim can get it straightened out or else my paper will greatly suffer. -_-

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone who wished me a happy b-day this year :3 I've officially started rolling back the 'age' clock, if you know my real age... good for you and keep yer mouths shut, for everyone else I turned 22 on Sunday (yeah Easter ROFL Kris = Jesus) =P It was very uneventful, Tim and I literally did NOTHING to celebrate, but that's ok, my parents came up the Wednesday before, and we celebrated w/ them, which was actually fun and my Dad wasn't really an asshole :3 Anyway we went to Sommerset Mall (the really nice ritzy one up in Troy, MI it's near Detroit offa Big Beaver Rd) and had some fun shopping, bought some cute new stuff, I LOVE Armani Exchange! Then the best part, we went to the SAME Hibachi/Teppenyaki restaurant we used to go when I was a kid! It's changed a little, first off it's Kyoto by Benihana now instead of it just being called Kyoto, and it used to have this HUGE indoor water wheel it was the coolest thing, with these like wishing pots and koi fish, so I was kind of bummed that was gone, however; the food was SO good it made up for it! Seriously one of the best hibachi/teppenyaki experiences ever :3 It didn't hurt we were all kinda drunk LOL They stayed until Friday evening, we had lots of good food, good booze, and good shopping XD So it was nice, I also got my b-day presents (though I still have a few to order XD mainly a few Dir en Grey items, and after YEARS of wanting one a METAL DDR pad ROFL) a new controller for my PS3 and my new baby... a 1 Terabyte (yea you read that right) external drive! *drools* I've moved the contents of my laptop, my old harddrive and Tim's haddrive onto it and I still have 800 gigs left x.x I'm in love w/ it seriously. I need a name for it though, so suggestions are welcome lol it's currently just named it's default 'my book' which is lame. So that's about all that's really going on for me at the moment, just figured it's been a while since I've updated.

( ahahghoghalkjhsahashahs!!!!!!! ) T_T There better at least be more fanart of him when he comes into the anime, if not.... there are gonna be REAL problems. *resumes moping*

Too lazy to properly format it... having to D/l a movie for my Japanese Cinema class >.> joy. Um make me offers on prices unless we've already discussed something thanks :3 ( Stuff for sale )

It's just the name of my favorite Visual Kei boy, Tomoka, the bassist from the very defunct Velze Dieulawahl, the 0013 comes from their first mini-album... boring and fangirlish I guess, but like next to no one knows about them, hmmm I guess that just makes it more creep :

So, I've become a slave to crocheting recently...I was watching DIY one night (actually I watch it pretty regularly I think it's a neat channel) and Jewelery Making was on, which is a pretty cool show about making well... jewelery, and I got some neat ideas, anyone one of them involved crocheting ribbons and beads and whatnot, a much better concept than it turned out LOL Anyhow, I decided to teach myself how to crochet for real, I used to knit as a kid but don't remember how, I kinda remember now 'cause w/ my new found interest in crocheting, Tim decided to pick up knitting, he found like a how to knight booklet/kit as Wal-mart. I've found crocheting rather fun, but a bit tedious, for those of you who don't know my older brother Ryan is having his fist baby at the end of March, which means I'm going to be an Aunt >.> I know it's weird, anyway I figured it would be nice of me to make my niece-to-be some things, I've successfully completed a little baby hat, I'm about half-way through her blanket (Christ it takes forever! LOL) and I'm moving on to baby booties after the blanket,if I have time. LOL So yeah not a whole lot more going on in my life, figured some of you might be curious though, but probably not. XD

So yeah it's V-day, did I get my b/f anything? No.... but why do I feel guilty for not getting something for my dog? >.>

This makes me very happy :D I can't wait to fight/explore the new continent, I know you guys don't know or care, 'cause you don't play it but you should start playing and join me in Iria! <3

HUGE VK/DOUJIN SALE (friends feel free to ignore or look whichever you choose :D)

( Flyers: )

( Flyer & Photo sets: )

( Gothic & Lolita Bible: )

( Doujinshi: )

I try and keep my prices reasonable for both you and me, 90% of these items I bought retail price in Japan and am trying to get a fair price for them. I am willing to consider offers and trade for Gazette or Dir en Grey items (specifically Kaoru or Kyo even better Kaoru x Kyo, paraphernalia, no CDs though I have plenty) and mamegoma goods. I accept concealed US cash, money orders and paypal, items will only be shipped after the payment clears. Never sold anything on LJ but I'm an avid ebay user, please feel free to look at my 100% positive feedback here. Any questions or comments about the goods, larger images, shipping questions etc, please feel free to ask me anything, thank you for looking!

So I've been getting back into J-dramas, didn't really take a break from them just didn't have a whole lot of time for them, but I've managed to lure Tim into them which pleases me, but I'm having a hard time remembering all the ones I've seen over the last few years to re-watch with him and I only have so many on DVD. So, I want all of you to comment on what drama's you've seen and I know w/ most of you that will probably be a long list, but that's good In return I have some suggestions to watch if you haven't seen them :D

Hana Ikusa (done by Sars) I'm like freakin' in love with this, it's a drama special not a full length drama, but it's based on the real life of the woman Memoir's of a Geisha portrays. It's just breath taking.

Anmitsu Hime (also by Sars lol) it's another drama special, very kind of off the wall, but very funny and has the same main actress as Hana Ikusa.

Sunadokei, unfortunately this is unsubbed atm, but you can d/l it from d-addicts (or I can send it to you on aim or something) it's 60 half an hour episodes, I'm only about a 1/3 of the way in, but I love it thus far. I've read what's available of the manga on onemanga.com so haven't been too lost yet.

Drama's I know I've seen:

At home Dad
Dragon Zakura
Kekkon Dekinai Otoko
My Little Chef
Change (well in the middle of it)
Pretty much anything/everything with Hiroshi Abe (my fave personally)
Mukodono & 2003
Yanpapa
Ikebukuro West Gate Park
Water Boys 1& 2
Gokusen 1, 2 & 3
Shomuni 1
Kimi wa Petto (not a big fan)
Zettai Kareshi
most of Honey & Clover (didn't really like it though)
Lunch no Jou
First Kiss
Pretty Girls
Primadan
Sensei wa Erai
Nobuta wo Produce
Koukou Kyoushi 2003
Ace no Nerae (I don't remember it well though x.x)
most of Omia Kekkon (never finished)
and most of Narita Rikkon (also never finished)
I think there might be some more but I can't remember them all T_T

So what else can you guys give me? BTW is Hana Yori Dango worth watching? I've seen a lot of mixed reviews but decided I really like Inoue Mao (she's the main in Hana Ikusa, and Anmitsu Hime) so I'm thinking about giving it a chance.

Ok so please, please, please lemme know good ones! Oh also if they're not on d-addicts lemme know where I can get 'em, and if possible please be fansubbed, it's sooo slow watchin' sunadokei 'cause we have to pause like every minute while I explain what's happening to my Japanese challenged b/f x.x

All I have to say is "ghettolicious manly lumps" *falls over lol-ing*

Your result for The How gay or straight are you? Test...

3

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LOL Totally not surprising in the least. The only thing I disagree w/ about it is, I couldn't date a woman, and i know that, I've tried it, I just clash w/ them too much. I can kiss one, yes I can even fuck them, just not date LOL Look at me go. Bet half of y'all didn't see that shit comin' did ya?